NESTing

Last week we had these tiny baby birds in our front yard.  We don't anymore.

We discovered the babies tucked into a perfectly weaved nest inside a large and thorny bush.  Instantly Bianca and I were smitten.  I had never seen baby birds so up close and personal.  We could peek in and see clearly without touching or disturbing the bush in any way.  One we named "squaky" for his loud and incessant chirps and the other we named "chill" for his relaxed demeanor.  I loved watching the mommy and daddy (I assume) perched on our roof flying in and out of the bush to tend to the babies.  A couple mornings after our discovery, as we were leaving home, my heart sunk at the complete silence coming from the bush.  I quickly put Bianca into the car.  I held my breath, my chest tight, and tentatively peeked in.  Only one baby was in the nest, no longer alive.  I don't know what happened to them and didn't have the strength or stomach to explore further.  I made D check when he returned from business a few days later and he told me the nest was empty.

I know it was at least 50% pregnancy hormones but I cried on and off that day I discovered they were gone.  I was reminded just how delicate and quick life can be.  I was reminded me how truly blessed I am with my life and the life (lives) I have helped create.  I take it for granted.

I know this could have been one of those teachable moments for Bianca.  I would explain about the "circle of life" and how death is a part of it and she would grow as a human being.  Yet I was weak in the knees at the thought of it.  And so I did what any self-respecting mommy would do, I lied.  I told her the babies grew up and flew away.  She looked happily at the sky and shouted "Bye baby birds" and smiled contently.  There will be time to learn about death and the harshness that can sting us.  For today I'll let her dream of her baby birds on their fabulous adventures and hold the weight of world off of her for just a bit longer.  Because I'm her mommy... and I can.

As for me I have been hit by the nesting urge myself, big time.  With in the last week I have cleaned my house like the president was coming to visit, made a ridiculous amount of chocolate cupcakes for no reason (well it may have had something to do with staying up too late watching Food Network), began sewing a dress for Bianca (with my mother's help) and re-organized a couple of closets.  I'm not sure what it is that compels us to weave together these intricate nests.  Still we do it, even though we have so much less control over life than we can admit.