capitolmommy

Bath Time

2012-01-25T15:36:00.000-06:00

Here is one of my favorite things I have made for the girls...Hooded towels. I used the tutorial HERE at Prudent Baby (Best DIY site ever!!) The only difference is I used a knit fabric instead of a cotton because I found an amazing deal and loved the look and feel of it. The piping is a little bit tricky but so worth the effort, doesn't it look luxurious?!

Introducing...

2012-01-11T14:36:00.000-06:00

Introducing Iyla Louise!!

Still So...

2011-06-30T21:31:00.000-05:00

In LOVE with :

This Face

This Grace

This Sense of Wonder

This Adventurous Spirit

Linking up with Small Style over at Mama Loves Papa again today.

B's outfit:

Dress: Lilybird (TJ Maxx)

Ballet Slippers: Baby Gap

Sandals: Teva

Necklace: Handmade with thread by Daddy

Hair Bow: Etsy

Lipstick: Late July cracker crumbs

Rainy Day: Small Style

2011-06-23T07:04:00.000-05:00

That pouty face is courtesy of the gray and rainy day B is staring at out the window.

And then...

Mommy said we could go and play in the rain!

Linking up with Small Style over at Mama Loves Papa for the first time today.

B's outfit:
Shirt: Baby Gap
Skirt: Baby Gap
Capris: Tea, Leggings I cut off into capris
Jelly Sandals: Baby Gap
Rain Coat: Pluie Pluie
Bracelets: A gift from her grandparents in India
Necklace: Handmade with thread by Daddy
Hair Clip:??? She has had it since she was a bebe, so I forget.

I scored the skirt and jellies for ridiculous cheap! Hooray for sales:)

NESTing

2011-06-21T22:37:00.002-05:00

Last week we had these tiny baby birds in our front yard. We don't anymore.

We discovered the babies tucked into a perfectly weaved nest inside a large and thorny bush. Instantly Bianca and I were smitten. I had never seen baby birds so up close and personal. We could peek in and see clearly without touching or disturbing the bush in any way. One we named "squaky" for his loud and incessant chirps and the other we named "chill" for his relaxed demeanor. I loved watching the mommy and daddy (I assume) perched on our roof flying in and out of the bush to tend to the babies. A couple mornings after our discovery, as we were leaving home, my heart sunk at the complete silence coming from the bush. I quickly put Bianca into the car. I held my breath, my chest tight, and tentatively peeked in. Only one baby was in the nest, no longer alive. I don't know what happened to them and didn't have the strength or stomach to explore further. I made D check when he returned from business a few days later and he told me the nest was empty.

I know it was at least 50% pregnancy hormones but I cried on and off that day I discovered they were gone. I was reminded just how delicate and quick life can be. I was reminded me how truly blessed I am with my life and the life (lives) I have helped create. I take it for granted.

I know this could have been one of those teachable moments for Bianca. I would explain about the "circle of life" and how death is a part of it and she would grow as a human being. Yet I was weak in the knees at the thought of it. And so I did what any self-respecting mommy would do, I lied. I told her the babies grew up and flew away. She looked happily at the sky and shouted "Bye baby birds" and smiled contently. There will be time to learn about death and the harshness that can sting us. For today I'll let her dream of her baby birds on their fabulous adventures and hold the weight of world off of her for just a bit longer. Because I'm her mommy... and I can.

As for me I have been hit by the nesting urge myself, big time. With in the last week I have cleaned my house like the president was coming to visit, made a ridiculous amount of chocolate cupcakes for no reason (well it may have had something to do with staying up too late watching Food Network), began sewing a dress for Bianca (with my mother's help) and re-organized a couple of closets. I'm not sure what it is that compels us to weave together these intricate nests. Still we do it, even though we have so much less control over life than we can admit.

Potty Training Mommas

2011-06-10T15:30:00.002-05:00

10 Signs your a PTM (Potty Training Momma):

1. Your entire schedule is mapped out based on distances between toilets.

2. You say the words "I'm so proud you did poo in the potty" with the same enthusiasm things like "I just won the lottery", " I just got accepted into Juilliard" and "I'm engaged and look at the size of my rock" are said.

3. You set a new world record when sprinting through Target, holding your toddler out in front of you like a stick of dynamite yelling "We WILL make it to the potty in time".

4. Everything you say to your child is followed by the sentence "Do you need to go potty?". "I love you honey, do you need to go potty?" "Eat your carrots, do you need to go potty?"

5. Beltline (or any HWY for that matter) traffic takes on a whole new form of terror.

6. You wonder if there is a program you can send your child to called "no child left un-trained"?

7. You carry with you more changes of clothes in your bag than when they were a newborn.

8. You realize you are not above bribery.

9. You finally "get" plastic covered couches.

10. You start buying toilet paper in bulk, if you weren't already.

Thankfully I think I've almost earned my potty training badge! Best of luck to all my fellow PTMs!

25 Things I Learned...

2011-05-10T21:27:00.001-05:00

I was recently reminded how "heavy" things feel in the first year of Motherhood and how easy it is to feel like it will be that way forever...It won't. I dedicate this list to my beautiful sister Corissa and all the other new mothers out there!

25 Things I learned in My First Year of Motherhood:

1. There is no such thing as holding your baby too much.

2. If you stop for a diaper change on a road trip never assume your husband fastened the car seat when putting it back on the base. And also freaking out on the highway and shouting at your husband "we are gonna kill our baby" is a bit too melodramatic.

3. You won't feel like yourself for quite some time. In fact you may forget parts of who you are at times.

4. You will feel like yourself again. And you will learn about the new parts of yourself.

5. There is such a thing as projectile poop.

6. Poop does come off the wall with a little elbow grease and soap.

7. Many people will give you advice. Much of it will be wrong. Ignore that loud voice in your head telling you that you don't know what to do and trust your instincts.

8. Time will go slow but at the same time fly by you before you can catch your breath so savor every second.

9. Babies put things in their mouth. No, seriously they put anything with in reach in their mouth. It's a good idea to know where your loose change is at all times.

10. You will cry as much as your baby but it's okay.

11. You will laugh as much as your baby but don't be surprised if not everyone thinks your baby's adorable antics are as funny as you.

12. You will feel sexy again...one day. Probably not on the day you have spit up dried in a crusty knot in your hair.

13. Other people's crying babies can make your nipples leak.

14. You will learn you are capable of much more than you realized.

15. You will learn you can be a good mother and human at the same time.

16. You will get sleep again...and then you won't...and then you will again.

17. You will drive more like you are 80 years old than ever before.

18. You will make a fool of yourself just to hear that baby giggle...over and over.

19. You will worry, worry, worry about your baby. Then call your mother and apologize for the last 30 years.

20. You will become addicted to the baby monitor staring at it many nights like it will reveal the cure to cancer.

21. Your heart will grow about 11 sizes bigger.

22. You will need help.

23. It's okay to accept help.

24. You are strong enough to handle this even when you dont think you are.

25. Nothing could have prepared you for the sheer fabulousness or utter messiness of motherhood.

2011-04-18T21:50:00.000-05:00

More to do.

More.

More to love.

December Photo Project- Day 20: In Motion

2010-12-20T22:50:00.000-06:00

Always in motion this one is!

Day 20 of the December Photo Project

December Photo Project- Day 18: Monogrammed

2010-12-18T20:34:00.006-06:00

Here is a project B and I have been working on! Monogrammed ornaments. Like a dweeb I spent forever getting the letter stickers inside. Unfortunately for this project you squeeze the paint into the glass ornaments (B loved this part and choosing what paint colors) and well let's just say only about half of the ornaments showed the monogram, the other half were completely dissolved by the paint!

I still thought this pic was cool because you can see my reflection in every ornament.

I'll have take a pic of the finished product soon.

Day 18 of the December Photo Project

December Photo Project- Day 17:

2010-12-17T19:30:00.001-06:00

How to reuse broken ornaments...toss them in a vase, Voila instant decor!

Day 17 of the December Photo Project

December Photo Project- Day 16: Lonely Cookies

2010-12-16T22:33:00.001-06:00

The 3 lonely cookies left from the huge batch of my

"Twisted Beet Candy Cane Cookies"! Yum! I doubt they will be left for long!

Day 16 of the December Photo Project

December Photo Project- Day 15: Playdate Fun

2010-12-15T15:23:00.001-06:00

We had a playdate holiday party!

What a blast and B's toys got some much needed love and attention!

Day 15 of the December Photo Project

December Photo Project- Day 14: Christmas Card Reject

2010-12-14T19:18:00.002-06:00

We had a little mini photo shoot for our Christmas card today,

taken using our handy tripod and remote! Needless to say this shot didn't make the card.

Perfect paparazzi shot though, we got the hiding our child's face thing down!

Day 14 of the December Photo Project

December Photo Project- Day 13: S is for Snowman

2010-12-13T13:08:00.001-06:00

Here is a little project B and I made, I got the snowman template HERE

then all we did was color, cut (mommy did that part), and decorate with buttons,

construction paper carrots, ribbon scraps and some Letter stickers!

Day 13 of the December Photo Project

December Photo Project- Day 12: Blurry Boots

2010-12-12T15:48:00.001-06:00

Day 12 of the December Photo Project

December Photo Project- Day 11: Birthday Bliss

2010-12-11T22:09:00.000-06:00

photo taken with my iphone

Soy mocha & a fab blueberry waffle at Crema Cafe with hubs and bebe, Shopping that including new outfits for Bianca & I, relaxing afternoon at home, African peanut stew for dinner, building a snowman complete with carrot nose and rock eyes, candles, cake = one wonderful birthday!

Day 11 of the December Photo Project

December Photo Project- Day 10: Snow Princess

2010-12-10T19:11:00.002-06:00

My snow princess attempts to snap her fingers like Daddy does.

When she cannot, she exclaims "Daddy, It's not working, fix it!"

Day 10 of the December Photo Project

December Photo Project- Day 9: Library Books

2010-12-09T23:07:00.000-06:00

Day 9 of the December Photo Project

December Photo Project- Day 8: Lunchtime

2010-12-08T23:12:00.000-06:00

Wondering what she ate? Find out HERE.

Day 8 of the December Photo Project

December Photo Project- Day 7: Little Tree

2010-12-07T21:45:00.002-06:00

We made this little tree today! Using felt, cardboard board cereal box, tissue paper, ribbon, buttons, pom pom and sequins. Plus we made the candy canes from pipe cleaners. B loves to take the candy canes off and put them back on!

Day 7 of the December Photo Project

December Photo Project- Day 6: Hanging

2010-12-06T22:34:00.001-06:00

I ordered these stockings when B was just a month old, excited for our first Christmas as a family of three. Is it weird that I put D and I's names instead of "Mom" and "Dad"?

Growing up, my parent's stockings always said Mom and Dad.

I guess it just didn't occur to me then...I wasn't soaked in the name "Mommy" just yet.

Day 6 of the December Photo Project

December Photo Project- Day 5: Bundled

2010-12-05T13:17:00.017-06:00

Ready to climb Mt Everest? Well...maybe just play in the yard for today. Tomorrow who knows.

Day 5 of the December Photo Project

December Photo Project- Day 4: Watching

2010-12-04T21:32:00.000-06:00

Watching Daddy clear away the first snow!

Day 4 of the December Photo Project

December Photo Project- Day 3: Sock Hands Mitten Toes

2010-12-03T20:23:00.018-06:00

Always in the "fashion know" this girl is...

socks are only stylish on your hands and mittens...only stylish on your feet. So simple.

Day 3 of the December Photo Project

December Photo Project- Day 2: Sticky Fingers

2010-12-02T21:47:00.001-06:00

B enjoyed one of my homemade sweet potato crispies,

leaving her fingers (and everything else within 2 feet of her) a sticky mess!! Love it!

Day 2 of the December Photo Project

December Photo Project- Day 1: Things I'm loving...

2010-12-01T20:49:00.002-06:00

Warm hats and plaid!! And Bianca Rae!

ps. She isn't wearing lipstick, those ruby lips are courtesy of my twisted beet cookies!

Day 1 of the December Photo Project

(Hoping this will get me taking more photos again, besides just food pictures for Bebe Meals!)

A Fashion Trendsetter

2010-11-22T22:53:00.000-06:00

Whether your pouring over a glossy magazine, lusting after your gal pals latest fashionista purchase, or obsessing over the posts of your favorite fashion blog it's obvious you need to be in the fashion know.

Anyone who is anyone will not be seen in 2011 without one of these ultra hip and eco friendly hats. So start saving now so you can afford to follow this trend!

Things I Sometimes Forget...

2010-11-08T11:17:00.000-06:00

That I'm over 30
The combination to my lock for the gym
To pack enough diapers in the bag (ugh!)
That there is such a thing as race and D and I were not born the same one
To use my inside voice
That not everyone wants the same things from the world as I do
That not everyone is polite
That I'm someone's mommy
What life was like before mommyhood
That some dreams come true

"Boo"...and..."Shh" : You Capture

2010-11-04T11:20:00.001-05:00

It has been a L...O...N...G... time since I participated in You Capture, mostly because I always see the assignment too late, blah...just like when I was in school (kidding a little)!

Lately I haven't been blogging here much because once again there are only so many hours in a day and I have been wrapped up in cooking, blogging and teaching for my Bebe Meals business.

But as I often remind others it's hard to give of ourselves if we don't nurture our own souls first. So I took a little "me" time this week to capture some shots for this week's theme(s) Halloween and Silence.

My Favorite Halloween Captures

One day this week I was busy making some lunch when I realized the house was silent. Hmm, usually B is full of toddler noise. I peaked into the living room to find her laying on the floor almost asleep...I guess she wore herself out. She was quiet and peaceful while waiting for lunch and fell asleep for nap as soon as she had finished eating. When she woke up silent time was obviously done and my tornado toddler returned.

To check out more great Photographs visit this week's You Capture over at I Should Be Folding Laundry!

And then...She was 2!!!!!

2010-10-09T23:58:00.003-05:00

On a cool Autumn morning this beautiful baby entered my life, my world...

I blinked...

And now she is two!

Happy Birthday to the light of my life!

PS. Check out some my recipes from the party HERE.

Gone Fishing

2010-09-08T09:56:00.000-05:00

Soon she will be two! Why didn't anyone tell me how fast this time would go??? Oh wait they did...but I didn't know they meant this fast. Slow down time, just a touch please.

Bianca's Tree

2010-08-27T15:01:00.001-05:00

Bianca's room has been in a sad state for quite some time now. It was (in every sense of the word) a baby's room...not a room fit for a growing little girl. The border my husband had so painstakingly applied to her walls when she was still in utero has been peeling for months (with help from some busy toddler fingers), and the whole in wall (from when the glider bumped into it) was somehow becoming larger everyday. It had been a lovely baby room but was in need of a change. In need of some new love poured into it. It took me much longer than I anticipated (this is nothing new) but I am so happy with the results and the way my mural turned out. So here is a look at Bianca's tree and her new room...

I repainted the walls "lemondrop" and hand painted this tree (free-hand) and three little birds.

Bianca is so happy with her "tee" and constantly reminds me "mommy pait tee"!

I added whimsical touches like these fabric butterflies I purchased at the

craft store and attached with glue dots. B loves to tell me their colors again and again.

I added a framed piece of art from one of the best artists in the world...Bianca (oh, I'm not bias at all), one of my favorite pictures of her when she was only five days old and a little mirror the perfect height for...

some toddler conversations!

This beautiful little table and chairs I found at IKEA, perfect for...

important toddler tasks, like bear sorting!

I even managed to re-organize her closet..leaving room for all the wonderful toys

she will most likely receive from our family when she turns two in a month.

D questioned why the tree didn't look exactly like the one outside her window, and why the leaves were coming out if the trunk? That's an engineer for you..somehow artistic interpretation can escape them. But I know he likes it even if he has to razz me about it a bit. It felt good to be painting again, even if I am officially sleep deprived. But it always feels good to make your home even more like...home.

10 Things I Love About You

2010-08-16T22:32:00.000-05:00

1. The way you say "goot moning" when I go into your room in the morning, and when I see your face it always IS a good morning, even pre-coffee.

2. The way you sing "Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star", belting out like a rock star "tinky, tinky, circa, circa, up a buv, dimot in sky, tinky, tinky"

3. The way you're never too grown up or too busy for Mommy or Daddy to read to you. You drop everything and melt into our laps for a good book.

4. The way you embarrass me... calling any women over age 40 "gamma". Sorry to young cashier in Walgreens who was called "gamma". For that matter sorry to the teenage lovebirds in the grocery store who were called "mommy and daddy", pretty sure they headed straight for the birth control aisle after that little run in!

5. The way you say "more beet hummus", I adore that you love the food I make for you!!

6. The way you laugh. Your light-hearted giggle when for reasons unknown to the rest of the world something is hilarious. Your full belly laugh when we run and play outside or I give you a piggy back ride. Your pretend laugh when you want me to look at you. They are all perfect and never cease to make me smile.

7. The way you color. Fervently and obsessed, making sure color stretches to every corner of the paper (and sometimes table, so thankful for washable crayons)

8. The way you love your Daddy. In your eyes he hung the moon & he painted the sky!

9. The way you let your almost two year old colors show, your bright red cheeks puffed out as you announce for all who will listen "I'm MAD"!

10. The way you hug me, soft tiny arms griping around my neck and soft plushy cheek pressed against mine. Wow, I love being your Momma.

It's been too long...

2010-07-02T22:48:00.000-05:00

That's right Capitolmommy was in the nation's capitol!! This blog has been very neglected lately...spending all my free time working on Bebe Meals, but I have some fun stories to share here soon.

Anklets

2010-06-08T21:27:00.000-05:00

Nanny Tales- Best Pick-up Line Ever

2010-05-13T15:11:00.000-05:00

Ever since I can remember I have adored making people laugh. There is so much joy in watching someone break into a full belly giggle at something you said and not the "I'm laughing at you" but the "you crack me up" kind of thing. So in another attempt to hopefully spread some laughter here is my third installment of "Nanny Tales"! I will (periodically) post stories from my former life as a nanny.

I'll start with my own stories (I have oh so many) but would love to share others stories as well. Please feel free to email me with your funny, sad, sweet or any "nanny tales", they can be from either the nanny or parent's perspective, just don't use real names please.

Best Pick-up Line Ever

This story took place many years ago when I lived in NYC and worked as a nanny. One of the children I cared for was a school-ager and had been hard at work for months on his annual school play. It was all he talked about and I was looking forward to seeing him in all his glory up on that stage, assuming I would be invited to attend. Well not only was I invited I was expected to attend to watch the parents other child as well as they would be busy yucking it up this the who's who of the ritzy "more than I payed for college" all boys school after the performance.

It was fun watching the little boys strut, sing and smile around the stage. So young and full of promise and life. SO happy to have their parents actually watching them, seeing them. And what elementary school function would be complete without a cocktail bar to conclude the evening for all those parents who just HAD to endure time with their children for over an hour. As the adults began their usual mingling and socializing the children began to play and have fun. It was now well past 8pm (the time that was supposed to be the end of my working day but rarely was) and my charges were laughing and having fun with their friends. I leaned awkwardly against a table sipping my ginger-ale wishing it was stiff drink watching the parents laughing with each other while mastering that challenging art of ignoring their children. It was pretty easy for me to become invisible in these type of rooms and situations because very often no one ever noticed the "help". It was than that a tall and inebriated fellow approached me. One of the children's fathers and in his late 40's I was sure he was simply going to ask me a question about the children or if could he borrow the chair I was next to. But nope, it went a little something like this:

Drunk Daddy: Hi there.
Me: Um, hi
Drunk Daddy: How did you like the show?
Me: Um, it was fun...very cute (was I supposed to answer it was poignant and insightful?, hello it was a bunch of little boys in sailor suits)
Drunk Daddy: You are very pretty and much too young to be a mother
Me: Um, I'm Billy's nanny
Drunk Daddy: I could really use a nanny myself
Me: Oh, who is your child?
Drunk Daddy: No, I meant for myself (winks at me and smiles)
Me: um (shocked and open jaw stare from my than very naive self)
Drunk Daddy: I'm sorry, It's just your so beautiful and I have this inoperable brain tumor that makes me say whatever I'm thinking.
Me: Um
Drunk Daddy: Want to leave with me?
Me: Oh what's that Billy you need some help with your shoes, coming!!!!

Okay so I'm wondering if that line ever works? "Oh you poor man with the brain tumor let me be your naughty nanny"??? As you can see I handled it with such clever grace...."um". One thing about my days as a nanny in NYC, they were never dull. Long, exhausting and draining but never dull.

Change

2010-05-05T08:40:00.000-05:00

Sometimes things change, when they really don't change. When I started this blog it was my "message in a bottle". My way of expressing all the things inside my head and sending it out into the universe. I wanted to chronicle my life as a mother, (something I waited a long time to be) and express myself and my art. In the beginning I loved it, pouring over posts with pride and reflection. It wasn't perfect but in a way it was...it was my perfection and no one could take that from me.

Well no one but myself. Soon I began to fall in love with so many blogs and bloggers...their stories, their children, their laughter and tears. My heart breaking and soaring with each moment captured in their words. And it was wonderful and then it was not. I began to drown in it all, swimming in the amazingness of other peoples lives and tearing holes in my own, they way inside I always do. I felt so much, I wanted so much but I couldn't keep up...with myself, with my own expectations. And I couldn't see the beauty in my own blog, in my own words anymore. I didn't feel that excitement and joy I once had when I thought about writing a new post. It began to feel like a pointless chore. All of this is my own doing. Nothing really changed...I'm still the same me that started this blog with a post about my (ugly yet amazing) watch. Yet now I see myself through the judging eyes of others...others that don't really exist, others that I have created in my head.

I could just walk away and let this go??? But I need this space, I need Capitolmommy for myself. It's selfish, but I think that's okay. Being a mother is all about being selfless and let me tell you I can rock selfless oh boy. But we cannot give forever without any take. So I think that's what I'm going to do. I'm going to keep on keeping on in my hodpodgy way and find a way back to that place where being me is enough. Enough for myself. And I am going to keep reading blogs...because they're wonderful, I just need to remember to wear my live preserver.

With Love From India

2010-04-19T19:30:00.004-05:00

Today we got a package in the mail, the kind of package that has traveled over 7000 miles to get here and is full of love! It was gifts from B's grandparents in India (dada & dadi). Included in the package were some absolutely gorgeous bracelets just for B. She put them on right away and was so proud to be wearing jewelry...just like mommy. Simply stunning, such a wonderful gift.

Also notice her shoes?? A gift from her other Grandparents (nana & nani) for Easter. They are from

Livie and Luca and by far her favorites...which is saying a lot cause this girl LOVES shoes:)

What a lucky girl...so loved

Rounded

2010-04-09T10:10:00.000-05:00

Well I finally figured out how to round my photos corners in photoshop! Photoshop and I have a love/ hate relationship but it's getting better. We took B to a local greenhouse last weekend for an Easter egg hunt. It turned out to be lovely. The weekend before I had attempted to take her to a an egg hunt at a local park which was a bust since it started at 10am, we arrived at 10:02 and all the eggs were found already. This one was perfect because they just kept putting the eggs back out during the hunt. B loved it! Here is some pictures from the day and some words for Bianca.

You are a clever sprout.

Nothing gets past you.

I love when your hand is in mine little girl.

You light up my life.

And blow me away with your love.

"Ring"

2010-03-25T18:56:00.006-05:00

This is the third week of Elizabeth's Snippets. She gives you a little piece to inspire and get you started.

Alarm by Elizabeth @ clarity-chaos.com

The alarm had been ringing for so long it eventually became part of the background noise.

When I read Elizabeth's words I instantly thought of back in the last few weeks before B was born. For some reason I never bothered to unset the alarm we had at the time (before we had the 7am alarm that is B) And in the morning (after my hubby had gone to work) I would lay there in bed, the alarm ringing and me too tired to turn it off. I would lay there and think about all that was to come and the life growing inside me and the alarm...just background. So here is my self portrait in all it's stretch mark, double chin glory! This is really just a sketch, but I am thinking I might adapt it into a painting.

So check out Elizabeth's wonderful blog, she will inspire you! And if you are in the mood play along!

SMOOTHIE OF THE WEEK!!

2010-03-24T19:46:00.000-05:00

I'm starting a new weekly post over at my Bebe Meals blog...SMOOTHIE OF THE WEEK. From now until August B and I will try out a new smoothie every week and I will post the recipe. Check it out, This week's recipe is "She's My Cherry Pie" and it really tastes like cherry pie BUT...it's healthy!

So far Bebe Meals has been going amazingly well! I've been on local TV, was chosen to receive free advertising for the month of March on one of my absolute favorite blogs (Marvelous Kiddo), received positive feedback and the class I taught on Monday (First Foods: Adventures in Baby Food Making) had 15 awesome attendees!

So if your interested in healthy recipes for little ones check out bebemeals.com, follow Bebe Meals on Twitter or become a fan on Facebook!

Reach For It

2010-03-19T14:54:00.000-05:00

Reaching...

To check out more great Photographs visit this week's You Capture over at I Should Be Folding Laundry!

Pebbles

2010-03-18T17:04:00.001-05:00

This is the second week of Elizabeth's Snippets. She gives you a little piece to inspire and get you started. I am so impressed with all of the beautiful, amazing, fabulous things that people are being inspired to create.

Tin Pail by Elizabeth @ clarity-chaos.com

And when she finally spoke, her words dropped like pebbles in a tin pail.

This week I drew with pastel chalk and graphite then completed the background with watercolors. The pail and pebbles turned out exactly how I wanted but I wasn't overly happy with the watercolor portion, I had pictured it much more muted and wispy then it turned out. But the last two weeks jave been the most action my paint brushes have seen in awhile, so I'm happy. This week I took photographs of my artwork again because while I had cleaned off the scanner, I couldn't get it to work.

So check out Elizabeth's wonderful blog, she will inspire you! And if you are in the mood play along!

Can I get that with a side of WORDS please??

2010-03-16T01:38:00.003-05:00

It's official I need to grab a spoon and open wide for this alphabet soup because I am eating my own words!

For many years of my life I worked in the field of early childhood. It was easy for me and for a very long time I loved it. I understood children and knew what worked and what didn't. But becoming a mother is a whole new skin to wear. Many days I feel like I should know what works, I should know how to score the goals but for some reason someone went and changed all the rules on me. I never presumed to think parenthood was easy yet I know now I lacked the understanding of the difficulty in the seemingly easy tasks demanded by motherhood. So many times have I witnessed that drop off dance where the parent does everything in their power to calm an upset child when leaving them in someone else's care. The parent prolongs the agony by staying and attempting to "ease" the child only dragging out the inevitable tantrum that will ensue when the parent actually does leave. Usually once the parent had left five minutes, a little redirection and the child was fine with not so much as a sniffle throughout the day. Oh how I wish I had a dollar for every time I saw this happen, it could pay for B's college tuition.

This is tough to admit now but I know on more than one occasion I discussed this subject with friends, fellow teachers and co-workers and while I don't remember the exact words (the ones on my spoon right now) I know it was something along the lines of how the parents actually made this situation worse by prolonging it, giving the child hope that they may not leave and ultimately making them more upset. This may have been true in some situations but I neglected to see things fully, I neglected to see the needs of the parent and that they too were valid. Now I certainly never said anything about this to a parent but I know what I thought back then and I now know there was so much I was missing.

Leaving B in others care is something, quite frankly I suck at. In the beginning she was so little I had no desire to leave her and then as she got older and began to understand what was going on some bad experiences scared me to the point where I just avoided it at all cost. I think it was the time I had taken her to the gym childcare and was then called back 7 minutes into my workout. That one did me in. When I came into the room she was bawling and sobbing so violently and was sitting alone in the middle of the floor, she had cried so hard she threw up all over and the caregiver had set her down to clean-up. What a heart-wrenching, punch in the gut sight that was. I ran to her scooped her up and began to calm her but in my head I was ripping away at myself with the guilty lashes. How could I have been so selfish to leave her? What kind of mother was I?

Now it's been many months since this happened but leaving B with anyone is a struggle for her and for me. When I take her to be in someone elses care, if she starts to get upset I can't just run out and think in my "preschool teacher" voice "well this is best, she will calm down quicker and be happy when I am gone", I just can't. It rips at the soul and tears down the confidence needed to be a good mother...I need her to be okay and if she isn't then I'm not and if I'm not than she's not. This is something I just don't think I could have understood before. Today I was that Mom, I stayed too long and ultimately she still got upset...I can still see the image of her heartbroken face calling out for me burned in my mind. I know that I have to do this for her and for me...we cannot ALWAYS be together, we have to learn to sometimes be apart, It's something I know. But like many things we know It's not easy. And it doesn't help that she is a total drama girl (I wonder where she possibly could have gotten that from?). So for now this mommy is going to stay too long at the party and do the drop off dance because my head can really only get so far without my heart.

Five...

2010-03-12T16:16:00.000-06:00

Five Years ago today...

A million laughs, hugs, fights, smiles, kisses, tears, make-ups, hellos, good-byes, dances and one beautiful baby girl later and we are still here!

"Sail away with me honey
I put my heart in your hands
Sail away with me honey now, now, now
Sail away with me
What will be will be
I wanna hold you now..." ~ David Gray

Thanks for sailing away with me sweets.

ARTichoke

2010-03-11T00:38:00.001-06:00

I'm playing along with Elizabeth's ( finding clarity in the chaos ) Snippets. Snippets is a segment of collaborative art inspired by a "snippet" from Elizabeth. Brilliant Idea!

This week is her first edition:

Onion/Artichoke by Elizabeth @ clarity-chaos.com

He was more like an onion than an artichoke.

Even when you peeled back all the layers, there was no heart inside.

And he always made her cry.

{or alternatively...}

He was more like an artichoke than an onion.

When you peeled back all the layers, his heart was there inside.

And he never made her cry.

I was inspired to create this picture based on Elizabeth's beautiful words.

You would be able to see the detail much better if I had scanned it instead of photographing it but I was way too tired to dig the scanner out from under the pile of unsorted papers, despite the fact I need it this week for another project (coincidentally one Elizabeth is involved in too). I painted this artichoke with acrylic and watercolor paints on watercolor paper, cut it out and mounted it on black cardstock, then white.

The poem I wrote (inspired by the snippet) is a little hard to make out in the photo so here it is:

hidden beneath sharp and often careless points

was a heart so full and deep with room for all

Wonderfully fun, I needed a reason to pick up my brushes again...it has been far too long. And may I just add there sure are a lot of onions out there but at least there are a few artichokes too:)

So check out Elizabeth's wonderful blog, she will inspire you! And if you are in the mood play along!

A Little Green For You

2010-03-03T15:19:00.002-06:00

It is March...that means SPRING is on it's way, it must be...it simply must.

Yet here in Wisconsin, despite some people attempts to believe it is here already (i.e. running in 35 degrees F in spandex biker shorts), we are seriously lacking the sight of green. The ground is still covered in that stained dirty snow that looks like dirty dish water with just a few spots of brown dead grass peaking through.

So here is some green you can have now...my Husband's recipe for Palak Paneer (an amazing spinach dish)

D's Organic Palak Paneer

I bag of organic frozen chopped spinach (in the summer I use fresh from the farmers market)

1/2 cup organic Greek nonfat yogurt (plain)

1/2 cinnamon stick

Paneer "Cheese" (about 1/2 cup cubed) (you can make this from scratch but it is easier to buy it fresh from either Whole Foods or an Indian grocery store)

4 tbsp olive oil

1 tsp turmeric (haldi)

1 tsp cumin

1 tsp coriander

1 clove organic garlic chopped

2 tbsp organic tomato paste

S and P to taste

Defrost Spinach and drain/ squeeze out most of the liquid

puree spinach in a food processor with about half of the yogurt, set aside.

Heat on stove in a medium saucepan (medium low heat) tomato paste, spices, garlic and oil for about 5 minutes, stirring frequently. Add in spinach, S and P and cinnamon stick and cook on low about 20 minutes. Meanwhile sprinkle paneer cubes with a touch of salt and grill them in a warm skillet w/ a touch of olive oil till the edges are crispy but the center is still soft. Add the paneer cubes to the spinach mix and pull out the cinnamon stick. Mix in remaining yogurt. Cook on low another 15-20 minutes, mixing well. Serve with Naan bread and organic Greek nonfat yogurt on the side. Enjoy:)

PS. Don't you think B's piggytails are the cutest thing ever???

Shape Up

2010-02-25T17:09:00.000-06:00

Shapes to play with

Shapes in the bowl

Shapes on the wall

Shapes in the oven

To check out more great shapes visit this week's You Capture over at I Should Be Folding Laundry!

Good-byes

2010-02-24T17:08:00.001-06:00

Simple, quick, clean...they have become. I'm not sure exactly why, maybe it is simply a product of time, maybe it is simply more practical or maybe we truly are void of the passion that once existed between us.

We pulled up to the airport, and I quickly undo my seat belt ready for the all too familiar dance: We both will exit the car, me from the passenger side, him from the drivers side. We will cross paths at the back of the car and part with a quick kiss and the standard "love you". I will take my seat behind the wheel while he opens the backseat and smothers our little girl with affectionate kisses promising to return soon. He shuts the door and we drive away before he is even through gigantic glass doors. This is how it is, this is our good-bye. But today I notice something. Something I had forgotten. Maybe it's passion or maybe it is simply youth..two things we are short on these days.

A young women not more than 20 with long brown hair and weepy eyes stands not more than a few feet from our car saying good-bye to a tall young man. They stare at each other, embrace like the world is ending, she pulls away her face tear stained and wet. The young man picks up his bag and walks her gently to the open car door waiting for her. She jumps back in his arms and he looks at her with what I imagine is the effort of remaining composed. She keeps her hand pressed tight to the window glass as the car pulls away creating distance between them each of them stealing glances as they disappear in different directions.

I smile in memory as I pull away from the airport, my own routine complete. Had I just witnessed a great love story or simply a moment in time that would one day be forgotten? For we too had good-byes like that. And the scene I witnesses jogged my memory that had been cluttered with life, time and disappointments. I remember one particular good-bye many years ago where I clung to him wishing desperately we didn't have to part...unsure of when we would be together again. We kissed those passionate innocent kisses, we embraced and held on tight. I cried, completely embarrassed but unable to stop myself...in fact I cried the whole flight home.

It's not that I don't miss him when he goes. Maybe we just say more good-byes now or maybe our goodbyes no longer reflect those intense feelings because they are buried deep below all of these years?

Winter Walk

2010-02-19T13:49:00.000-06:00

Baby Smiles

Mommy Boots

Bundled Girl

Yesterday was 40 degrees and sunny in our corner of the frozen tundra. It felt great to be out and have sun on our face and some wind in our hair. We pulled out the stroller...still a bit too cold for us to babywear outside, as if she missed it B pulled out our wrap last night and wanted to snuggle with me till dinner...I can't complain.

Nanny Tales- The Puppy

2010-02-15T19:19:00.001-06:00

Ever since I can remember I have adored making people laugh. There is so much joy in watching someone break into a full belly giggle at something you said and not the "I'm laughing at you" but the "you crack me up" kind of thing. So in another attempt to hopefully spread some laughter here is my second installment of "Nanny Tales"! I will (periodically) post stories from my former life as a nanny.

The Puppy

This story took place over 10 years ago now. Picture it, Madison 1999. Too Golden Girls?
I was working as a nanny here in Madison for a lovely family with two small children. This job was by far one of my favorites, it is amazing how different nanny jobs can be. The parents I worked for were kind and involved which made things for great for me That being said there was one particular time I was less than thrilled with the parents. They had decided to get a new puppy for their family. Sweet right? And did they adopt a loving, needy dog...no. The purchased a new born puppy, un-trained. The puppy was adorable, soft and..a lot of work. It fell to me, in their home caring for their children to work on training the puppy. A home that was 90% carpet! I cleaned up so many times after that puppy I almost stuck a diaper on him.

One of those moments you laugh about later but never at the time, happened one afternoon when the kids and I were coloring in the kitchen. Since the kitchen was the 10% of the home that was not carpet gates were up so the puppy could be kept away from the carpet at times. I remember sitting happily at the table when out of the corner of my eye I see the puppy taking care of his business on the floor, and I mean ALL of his business. There wasn't really time to stop him or get him outside so I simply grunted and reached for the ever-handy roll of paper towels. The roll slipped from my hand and tumbled to the floor but before I could retrieve it the puppy grabbed the roll in his slobbery jaws and took off across the kitchen. Across the kitchen, through the pee, through the poo and began circling the breakfast island. I chased after him trying the grab the roll before the entire thing was unraveled and covered in puppy mess. I am sure this scene of me chasing the puppy around the island could have only looked like the funnest game ever to my two little charges and before I knew what was happening the kids were fast on my heals. So here was the puppy running at top speed with paper towels flying behind him like kite tail, all of us chasing him, all of us covered in puppy pee and poo, crayons flying everywhere. That is the scene I will never forget and it did take a few months before I could laugh about it. I never held it against the puppy though, he was too darn cute and he did get trained...eventually.

Lights, Camera...Action

2010-02-11T16:04:00.003-06:00

Let me just start with... I'm going to be on TV!!!! Details below, was that a good tease?

Whole Food Market's bright and cheery classroom kitchen.

This week's theme for You Capture over at Beth's I Should Be Folding Laundry was...Work. There were so many things I could have captured since my life is full of messy, tiring, happy, fun, yucky, wonderful work. In fact I think that pretty much describes motherhood.

But...since I post so much about this aspect of my life (mommyhood) I decided to capture some moments from my new business, Bebe Meals. It is something I have been working since this past summer and is now just starting to take shape. I feel passionately that parents would give their children healthy food options if they had a little help. This is why I am teaching cooking classes for parents and kids at Whole Foods Market as well as upcoming guest speaker gigs for parents and caregivers/ childcare professionals. Okay...shameless plug over.

It was nice to focus for change on an aspect of my life that wasn't directly related to myself as a "mother". After teaching my first class I realized I had forgotten how amazing it felt to be proud of oneself for something that wasn't diaper or spit-up related. But of course my Bebe B has and always will be my inspiration for this business.

Here is my two bags stuffed full of supplies for the TV shoot we did on Tuesday at Whole Foods Market, promoting making your own baby food and my classes with Karin Swanson. Airing tomorrow morning (Friday, February 12th) between 5am and 6:30am on the Local CBS channel, WISC TV-3 .

I had to be up pretty early that day, way before Bebe B and brave the elements as we were in the middle of a snowstorm here in Madison that day. But it was loads of fun and well worth it. I will hopefully be able to post clips of the segments here on my blog after they air.

I snapped this shot of the giant chalkboard calender at Whole Foods Market of my class "Feeding the Sprout: the Adventures of Toddler Food" coming up on the 22nd!

But while having a title other than "Mommy" again is wonderful there is still nothing better than coming back home to Bebe B and the hugs, smooches and love she smothers me in as I scoop her up in my arms. My sister snapped this picture after I got home from shooting the TV segments and Bebe B quickly brought me her matching hat when she saw that I still had mine on. Ahh, I love her to pieces.

Check out more amazing pictures at You Capture:

Bag Love

2010-02-09T17:16:00.004-06:00

For the first time in over two years I bought myself a new bag! Now before you get all sad and feel sorry for poor me, I have to admit I have A LOT of handbags...A LOT. But sometimes you just "need" a new one. Helps to chase away those February blues.

Since B was born, all I have carried around has been my diaper bag (which I love). In fact I feel lost

with out the the darn thing when B isn't with me.

But now that I have a new business and am out and about more without her a new bag made sense.. and I found one. In fact I think I am in love!!!

And how cute is this? I opened it up and found this tiny love note from the designer saying,

"Thanks for showing love...Enjoy! www.ecko.com

So cute.

Another great thing about this bag is I can use it when B is with me as well because it's big enough to toss in a few things for her when we don't need the whole diaper bag.

Oh and did I mention I found it at Marshall's, oh how I love a good bargain.

Mama Brain

2010-02-06T21:48:00.002-06:00

Usually I can get through a day with only one"mama brain" moment but today I was blessed with two...

We decided to take B swimming at the health club this evening and then hit a local diner for dinner.

I learned the hard way a few months ago not to get B ready for swimming at home because swim diapers do NOT hold what a diaper will and you end up with a leaky mess when you get to the club. Today we were in the locker room and I was getting B ready to swim. I stripped off each layer of clothes (you need a lot of layers here in Wisconsin) Then I grabbed her swim diaper and suit from the bag.

Anyone else have those moments where you only have split second to make a decision and even though you know better you make the wrong choice? Yeah, well that is what I did. As I was pulling off her diaper my mind flashed a thought that she might pee on me while I am pulling up her swim diaper but I quickly dismissed it "nah, what are the chances of that?" Pretty darn good. In the two seconds her diaper was off she peed all over the one and only pair of jeansI had with me! I really should have known better. So I scrubbed them in the sink and hoped they wouldn't smell like pee by the time we went to the diner. It seemed to work but they stayed damp till we got home.

Second moment... I tossed in a load of bibs & kitchen towels before we left. When we got home I went to put them in the dryer and realized I must have forgotten to rinse a bib because I had a ton of soggy noodles mashed into the bottom of my washing machine-ugh. Still not as bad as the time I accidentally washed a disposable diaper, it took forever to get that diaper goo out.

What were your recent "mama brain" moments?

Sharing

2010-02-05T12:22:00.002-06:00

Yesterday we went to the Library. For a girl like B, who ADORES books, it was a happiness overload. She was looking at books, doing puzzles,playing at the train table and running

around the library yelling "Boos" (which means books). And me, well I was chasing after hertrying to keep things calm as the snobby librarians looked at me with that "control your child" sort of stare.

There was small boy, probably around the age of 3,playing with his grandmother at the train table. B would not leave the poor boy alone, she kept trying to take his trains. I tried to explain that "He is playing with those trains right now, we have these trains" but B stared at my blankly. After awhile redirection worked and we were hard at work on a puzzle and the little boy was safe from my daughter's grabby hands. It makes perfect sense that B would not understand the concept of sharing because at homeeverything is hers. She doesn't go to daycare and so she doesn't really observe this in daily life, if she wants a toy...she gets it.

So my dilemma is how to teach her about sharing and not taking

things from others. Maybe it is just the age she is at and she would

do the same even if she was in daycare or had siblings, but I worry.

The fact is she may never have a sibling (a fact I don't want to accept)

and so I struggle with how to teach her these things, how to teach her about sharing

Tips anyone?

The Faces of B

2010-02-04T10:17:00.001-06:00

Aren't I so lucky?? I get to look at this face everyday!
Faces, What a wonderful theme for this week's You Capture over at
I Should Be Folding Laundry.
Ps. Beth's pictures this week are WONDERFUL-check them out

Check out more amazing pictures at You Capture:

Two Things

2010-02-02T22:45:00.000-06:00

I stumbled upon a (new to me) blog today that is just busting with stylish loveliness, Bacwoods Fern, If you haven't checked it out...you should.

She has a wonderful blog hop titled "Two Things i Love..Around my Home", simply post two things you are luv'n around your home lately and link up. I love looking at everyone's treasures.

So here we go my two things today are...

I love our key rack. I found this some years back at a discount

store for a couple dollars. It had a picture of a bath tub on it which

I painted over with our monogram.

I am pretty sure it's bargin price was due to

it's "distressed" nature and weird tub picture, but it worked

out great for me.

This cute little bench is that famous designer, you may have heard of them ...IKEA.

But seriously I have had this for at least 5 years and it was in desperate need

of a make-over. I recently recovered the cushion in one of my favorite

fabrics and I love it again...now if I can just get B to stop pulling all the

hats, mittens and baby slings out of it every day.

Muffins - Guest Recipe of the Week

2010-02-02T12:24:00.001-06:00

It's been a few weeks since I have posted a guest recipe
so sharing this one is long overdue.

I found this lovely looking recipe on Simply Recipes

I am excited to try these and report back!
I am on a huge ginger kick lately so I cannot wait!

Pumpkin Ginger Nut Muffins Recipe

Ingredients

1 1/2 cups flour
1/2 teaspoon of salt
1 cup sugar
1 teaspoon baking soda
1 cup pumpkin purée
1/3 cup melted butter
2 eggs, beaten
1/4 cup water
1/2 teaspoon nutmeg
1/2 teaspoon cinnamon
1/2 teaspoon allspice
1 teaspoon ground ginger
1 cup chopped toasted walnuts or pecans
2 Tbsp well chopped candied ginger

Method

1 Preheat oven to 350°F. In a medium sized bowl, sift together the flour, salt, sugar, and baking soda.
2 Mix the pumpkin, melted butter, eggs, 1/4 cup of water, and spices together, then combine with the dry ingredients, until just incorporated. Do not over-mix. Fold in the candied ginger and chopped nuts.
3 Spoon mixture into a prepared muffin tin. Bake for 25-30 minutes. Check for doneness with a toothpick inserted into the center of a muffin. If it comes out clean, it's done. Cool on a rack.
Makes 12 muffins.

Photo and Recipe Credit simplyrecipes.com

Cute Giant

2010-01-31T15:36:00.002-06:00

While she was the cutest giant they had ever seen

the passengers were getting a bit worried that the

2:13 from Albuquerque was going to be a bit late.

Warm & Fuzzy

2010-01-28T11:42:00.000-06:00

I am in love with this picture. The warm and fuzzy feeling surrounding B, the bright colors jumping out...perfect.

Although I will say I am rethinking buying her that shirt...it's a little "Nightmare on Elm Street"??

Check out more amazing pictures at You Capture:

Bottle Attachment

2010-01-26T23:14:00.004-06:00

Ok, bottles get a bad rap baby. Alright I understand where this is coming from (fighting the anti-nurturing, anti-attachment, children should be seen and not heard babble of former generations) but for me, well I am just going to come right out and say it...I've got bottle attachment!

I truly loved every single minute I spent breastfeeding my daughter, it took my breath away and was worth all of the challenges I had in doing so. To be able to feed your child and bond with them in such a primal, instinctive way...well there is just nothing like it. I had supply issues from the start but I refused to give up and thanks to mother's milk tea and fenugreek I was able to breastfeed my daughter for 6 months, and then I lost my supply completely. It was a blow to my ego as a mommy but I was so thankful for the time I had and the breast milk I was able to give her. So here is where my attachment started I think. The bottle was the new way I fed her, the new way to hold her before bed and share those special moments. The new way to have that time where there is nothing but the two of us, and the universe fades away.

Fast forward to today...She is 16 months and can shovel about eight noodles in her mouth at once, drinks from a cup, talk, walk, run, throw, dance, sing and so much more and yet she is still my baby. At her last check-up we were advised to cut out that last bottle and replace it with a sippy cup. Well that was weeks ago and guess what? A few hours ago I fed her a warm bottle in the rocker and then sang her to sleep. I know that she would drink from a cup instead and all will be fine but the truth is I am attached to the bottle and it is I that am finding it difficult to give up this last one. I can't tell you when we will take this last bottle out of our routine, but I can tell you I wont still be giving her a bottle when she heads off to college.

Nanny Tales- Session One

2010-01-19T20:47:00.004-06:00

Ever since I can remember I have adored making people laugh. There is so much joy in watching someone break into a full belly giggle at something you said and not the "I'm laughing at you" but the "you crack me up" kind of thing. So in another attempt to hopefully spread some laughter I am starting "Nanny Tales"! I will (periodically) post stories from my former life as a nanny.

I'll start with one of my favorite stories because whenever I think about it I bust out laughing, although I am sure it is funnier to me then anyone else since I was there.

Taxi Drama

The year was 2002 and I was working in NYC as a nanny for two (wonderful) school-age children. Every weekday morning I would take them to their upper east side schools in a taxi. Growing up in the Midwestern part of the country this had seemed so foreign to me when I first started the job but quickly it became routine. Taxi to school, bus or subway back, clean, cook, etc, bus or subway back uptown. Taxi back. On one particular spring morning the kids and I were riding in the familiar yellow torpedo up to school. The driver's thick accent and slightly strange demeanor where completely the norm for a taxi ride, so I thought absolutely nothing of it. About 10-12 city blocks from the schools the taxi made a left turn while very narrowly missing a pedestrian in the crosswalk.

Well...the pedestrian was quite upset, in fact I would go straight to fuming, and he smacked the hood of the taxi with a loud, car shaking thud. "Ert" the taxi screeched the a halt and the driver jumped from the cab yelling, what I presume were, profanities in an eastern European language and a bit of English. The now enraged pedestrian began to yell back in what I knew were English profanities. The children's mouths popped open in shock and I am pretty sure I looked like I had been given a surprise enema. I covered the little girl's ears and began to process the options. Do I hurry the children out of the cab in the middle of a busy intersection and then there is the matter of the fare, do I pay it or does getting out of your cab to yell at people release us of our duty to pay? Then we still had 12 blocks to go and my butt would be handed to me if I didn't get those kids to school on time. Now here is the best part, the cabby gets back in the cab, begins driving and acts like nothing happened, we rode the 12 blocks in stunned silence. When the cab stopped to let us out I quickly ushered the children on to the sidewalk ahead of me, paid the fare WITHOUT tip and said (as I had one foot on the pavement) "You should be ashamed of yourself" and hurriedly put as much distance between us and the cab as possible. I thought a lot, after the fact, if I had made the right choice, if I should have said more or at least asked the guy "what his major malfunction was"? Surprisingly the children really didn't think much of it afterward so at least I know they weren't scarred for life, the city has a way of toughening you up.

Stayed tuned for more "Nanny Tales" in the future.

(the photo is of me in 2001, during the time I was a nanny)

A Hero

2010-01-18T17:01:00.000-06:00

I took this photo in San Fran in 2005

Martin Luther King Jr.

I often think about what he would say if he could see us today

I think he would be proud and heart broken at the same time

We (the human race) have come so far yet still have so far to go

Identity

2010-01-18T10:14:00.003-06:00

Identity

You elude me these days.

I see a glint or tinge of you here and there but like a shadow disappearing in the daylight,

you fade away

I picture you somewhere glamorous, captivating people with your perfection

Laughing elegantly at how I was so easy to discard, easy to forget

If you return I promise we can make quite a team about town

a tidy little duo to present

Our colors the answers to everyone's questions

but,

You were never really mine, simply the me I wanted to be, simply the box I wanted to submit to

I am too sloppy for you, too messy and crooked, a mismatched puzzle

And so I release you and simply drift

a bit lost

I took this photo in September 2009

Artsy Blocks

2010-01-14T22:07:00.002-06:00

I am completely loving these blocks I made for B!

I used some smooth wooden squares that used to be holding up our TV stand (I know rit-zy) then simply went to town painting them with non-toxic paint and sealed them with a non-toxic glaze (paper glaze works perfect) Personally I love how imperfect and "messy' they are. I really loved this project because it reminded me again why I love to paint so much and that it had been too long since I had. I love losing my self in a painting project where the outcome is uncertain till the end, where everything else rattling around my overly crowded head is silent and all that exists is me and the paint, me and the color...it's therapy.

So far B loves the blocks, but mostly just to throw them.

Let them eat...cupCAKE

2010-01-12T11:30:00.001-06:00

(Amazing Photo taken by Hyacynth )

This weekend was Cupcake '10, an amazing group of women bloggers getting together to eat, share, laugh, cry and did I mention eat. What a wonderful time I had. On Saturday afternoon I met a few of the attendees (Kim, Samara, Stephanie and her adorable son & Julie) for lunch at Monty's. Let's just say the day was not going great for me to start, I was halfway to the restaurant when I realized I forgot my wallet and had to head home. So 15 minutes late I arrive with a very crabby, hungry, tired B. I told the hostess I was meeting some people and she replied:

"Is it people you have never met before?"

"Why yes it is"

"Is it a blogging thing?"

"Yes it is"

"They are right over here"

They were all waiting for me. It was wonderful to meet them and despite being a touch nervous about having lunch with strangers, it wasn't really awkward because truthfully they weren't strangers, I had read their words and felt a sense of kindred spirits in the air. Of course B had to make it interesting by trying to grab EVERYTHING at the table and throw half her food everywhere, including on poor Stephanie (sorry again Stephanie) who, bless her heart, was completely gracious and un-phased by it.

When I got to the ~~resort~~ completely fabulous mansion the sun was just setting and it was absolutely stunning, the sun bouncing off the perfect white. I forgave winter a little bit right then for it's cruelty, simply because it was so beautiful. As I walked up the icy drive my nerves set in for the first time, a little voice whispered in my ear "you don't know any of of these people, you and your little ol' blog will not fit in", my reply to this voice was "shut up, you have beer bread, dip and sangria...they will have to let you in"

(Amazing Photo taken by Crooked Eyebrow)

As you can see here in this photo of me by Crooked Eyebrow, they did let me in and my huge dorky grin is proof of the fabulous time I had. Everyone there was so great and never once did I feel out of place. Another amazing thing I realized was how no matter how hard we try not to we all judge people when we meet them. I do not mean judge them in a bad way but simply assess them and put them into a category in our brain. This is human nature. What I realized was that If I had met these women for some other reason I may have put them somewhere else in my brain making my typical assumptions but the fact I had read their words and been given a window into their lives before hand through their blogs, left no room for assessments, no room for categories, they simply were who they were...Amazing. It all went too fast and there were so many more people (i.e. everyone) I would have loved to chat with but after 10pm I turn into a bit of a zombie and I new I had to head home. Oh did I mention the amount of Adorable babies in one building was insane. So many cute chubby cheeks I missed B and my ovaries actually hurt:)

I would have loved to return on Sunday morning but B had been up much of the night and had a 102 degree fever so I knew I had to be a responsible mommy despite wanting to run back to my new found comrades. Thankfully B is better and now the proud owner of two, yes two molars!! Lastly she is obsessed with the adorable lanyard and name badge (made by Kim) of mine, she wants to wear this new "necklace" all the time, but who can deny this adorable future cupcake of that.

Thank you again Cupcakes, no words can truly express how much better I am for having met you all and looking forward to meeting you again.

Year in Review

2010-01-07T20:29:00.000-06:00

This week's theme for YOU CAPTURE, over at I should be folding laundry is Year in Review. 2009 was a picture filled year for me so it was hard to narrow it down but I think these are my best.

January

Wearing the booties and bonnet my grandmother crocheted for her

April

My sister, C just minutes after getting married.

Viva Las Vegas baby

Sophie by the pool in Vegas

Sophie playing penny slots- man that giraffe can gamble

June

First swim lessons

July

8 months, playing in the yard

August

At the park

September

My sister, A just a few hours before her wedding in downtown Madison

October

Picking apples for her party

My Awesome Cupcakes for B's big day

My sister kissing B on her b-day

December
Olbrich Gardens

Check out more amazing pictures at You Capture:

Dear Winter...

2010-01-07T12:54:00.000-06:00

Dear Winter,

Today we do not see eye to eye. We understand you have purpose and might we add you are quite beautiful (*wink). But here is the thing Winter, this year we have no patience for your shenanigans and mayhem. This year we can walk and run and play and we need to. We were quite cross with you this morning for interrupting life with your falling powder. How we longed to run and play with friends today at music class, but instead we bundled up and sat in a car for hours only to end up back home, cold and grumpy. So we politely ask you, please Winter can you let up a little? It is too cold to play outside and too snowy to get anywhere, this is quite unfair we feel. If you could, please oh please, find it in your frozen, ice chunky heart to give us a break, we would be ever so grateful and stop badmouthing you to everyone.

Best Regards,

Grumpy Mommy & Grumpy Girl

What's in a mug?

2010-01-06T12:05:00.002-06:00

Last night after baby girl was fast asleep and my husband was engrossed in a project I decided it was the perfect time to sit and read a book with a cup of hot cocoa. Then I went to get a travel mug from the cupboard (I have learned my lesson the hard way, when sitting in bed always use a mug with a lid). As I dug through the mugs I came across this one in the back and instantly grabbed it. This was my favorite "work" mug. I kept it at my desk, never bringing it home, simply washing it right at work. I felt such a swell happiness seeing the mug again.

Maybe it was simply because it was something that often brightened dreary days? Or maybe, just maybe there was a tiny part of me that missed my old life, missed the old me, the me that drank coffee, tea and everything else from that mug, the me that fit into all of her smart work clothes and wore heals everyday, the me with a proper title. There is a part of me that misses that, although the guilt I feel in just typing those words is astronomical. I know that staying home with B is the most amazing blessing, and so many others would love to have that privilege. I know that staying home with B is what I have always wanted. I know that. I know that. But there is a tiny part of me that wonders who I am now, that remembers the life I used to lead while longing for the life I lead now. Irony.

Truthfully I wouldn't change things because this job I have now is who I am meant to be, I know that. For now I will drink from my favorite mug and be happy, because I am.

Serious Socks

2010-01-05T16:26:00.000-06:00

Now these are some serious socks! I got these for Christmas and am loving them oh so much, I think I could even wear them with a skirt they are so high, but for now (it's 18 degrees here in Madison today) I will stick to wearing them under my jeans. I am pretty sure my husband will think they are all part of my plot to keep all my skin hidden till summer:)

Throwing

2010-01-03T22:57:00.002-06:00

Throwing cereal, cheese and pears on to the floor

Throwing magnet letters over the gate

Throwing your pjs, binky and puppy down the stairs

Throwing yourself into my arms

Throwing noodles, potatoes, oranges on the floor

Throwing books over the gate

Throwing pillows off the couch

Throwing half your bath toys and my wallet down the stairs

Throwing your clothes out of your drawers

Throwing peas on the floor

Throwing toys out of the tub

Throwing daddy's water bottle down the stairs

Asleep.

and tomorrow you will do it all again. This is 15 months.

So long, farewell, auf Wiedersehen, goodbye 2009

2010-01-01T23:20:00.004-06:00

2009 has been nothing short of brilliant. It surpassed my expectations in every way. Becoming a mother near the end of 2008 pretty much sealed the deal for 2009 to blow me away. Yes the year brought us MANY challenges, as we faced uncharted (for us) waters and the familiar sting of pain and loss that life can bring. Yet I would not trade one minute of it because I am better for having lived it. In fact it was a capitol year!

Here is what my year was full of:
baby cries
spit up
all-nighters
exhaustion
joy
smiles
giggles
crawling
walking
running
boo boos
hugs
kisses
babywearing
tears
diapers
love
laughter
pain
healing
learning
bliss

What was your year full of?

DPC- December 31st - Final Shot

2009-12-31T22:04:00.002-06:00

And last but not least....

My little cutie tonight. She made it till 9pm but is currently fast asleep. Life is good.

For more great photos, The December Photo Challenge is over at ThoughtsNStuff.

Ashley's Eggnog: Guest Recipe of the Week

2009-12-31T17:52:00.000-06:00

Photo credit: Simon Howden

Just in time for New Years!

This Recipe comes from my friend Ashley. She gave it to me years ago when we used to teach preschool together. Super yum. I like to add a tad of brandy for adults:)

EGGNOG:
Ingredients per serving:
1 egg
1 cup of milk
1-2 tbsp sugar
splash of vanilla

Blend until frothy and sprinkle nutmeg on top.

Also to check out Ashley's great website, Nature's Palette Designs, full of her nature inspired designs, click here.

DPC- December 24th-30th

2009-12-30T11:37:00.005-06:00

Brown paper packages tied up with string! (okay I know it's missing the string but isn't it cute mail)

Just in time for Christmas, a new sweater for B

I still cannot believe I took this shot! On the way to my Grandma's farm in Iowa, Wind power!

All the excitement was a bit much, so she curled up in my arms and fell asleep.

After all these years my Grandma still puts the ornament I made for her when I was 10 on her tree! So sweet.

Family self portrait. Ready to hit the hotel pool!

Playing in the snow

Playing with her gift from Santa

For more great photos or to join in, The December Photo Challenge is over at ThoughtsNStuff.

25 Days of Christmas Ornaments- Days 24 and 25

2009-12-25T10:03:00.010-06:00

Merry Christmas ALL!

This is the new ornament my mother gave me for my birthday! So beautiful, can you see me waving to you'all in the reflection?

B's favorite ornament by far, she loves that it jingles.

To check out more 25 days of ornament pictures visit 4 the Love of Family.
Thank you to Mama Bear for starting such a fun carnival, I have loved seeing everyone's beautiful ornaments.

DPC- December 17th-23rd

2009-12-23T13:46:00.000-06:00

I managed to take at least one picture everyday despite all of us being sick and B getting an ear infection (poor baby). Today is the first chance I have had to unload photos from my camera in over a week. So here we go...

December 17th - I took this shot of the apples I was washing.

December 18th ~ I took this shot of some of my holiday decor.

December 19th ~ Santa's Workshop. One thing my husband does not understand that for me creativity is messy...but it gets results!

December 20th ~ Still a winter wonderland

December 21st ~ Starting to feel better...chatting it up with that cute baby in the mirror

December 22nd ~ My Loves

December 23rd ~ Got this shot today of the Christmas cookies I made the other day:) YUM

For more great photos or to join in, The December Photo Challenge is over at ThoughtsNStuff.

25 Days of Christmas Ornaments- Days 16-23

2009-12-23T12:03:00.000-06:00

Well it seems like my household is finally on the mend from some yucky colds and an ear infection, so time for me to play some catch up:)

To check out more 25 days of ornament pictures visit 4 the Love of Family.

DPC- December 16th - Project Completed

2009-12-16T16:34:00.001-06:00

I love the sight of this, I have finished all my Christmas cards! Now I just have to get them mailed-sigh.

For more great photos or to join in, The December Photo Challenge is over at ThoughtsNStuff.

DPC- December 15th- Sleeping Beauty

2009-12-15T21:49:00.000-06:00

Love.

For more great photos or to join in, The December Photo Challenge is over at ThoughtsNStuff.

25 Days of Christmas Ornaments- Day 15

2009-12-15T20:29:00.000-06:00

I love words, so it only makes sense I have them all over my house as well as in my holiday ornaments

What is better than this simple word? Joyeux Noel All

To check out more 25 days of ornament pictures visit 4 the Love of Family.

December Photo Challenge - December 10-14th

2009-12-14T21:15:00.002-06:00

Getting caught up! I was taking pictures just got behind on posting:)

December 10th

Front yard- icy lights

December 11th ~ My Birthday

We snapped this at the restaurant, our first "date" night since March

December 12th
I am sure every parent thinks they have a future Mozart on their hands, I am no different.

December 13th
My stuffed acorn squash- so yummy

December 14th

Silly Girl

For more great photos or to join in, The December Photo Challenge is over at ThoughtsNStuff.

25 Days of Christmas Ornaments- Days 10 through 14

2009-12-14T19:34:00.002-06:00

I got a bit behind on my ornaments, but here we go- fast catch up, days 10 through 14

D got this one the last time he went to a Packer Game, doesn't exactly go with my decor but the guy doesn't ask to put many things on the tree so how could I say no!

A pretty pine cone

I love this pearly star! I am always looking for new and interesting stars to add to my collection.

This one is handpainted glass and part of a set of 6 my mother gave me many years ago, somehow all six have still survived all our adventures.

This ornament is one purchased the year I graduated from college from the campus bookstore. I wanted my future children to see it one day and I would tell them all about my college and graduating- encouraging a life long love for learning I am.

To check out more 25 days of ornament pictures visit 4 the Love of Family.

Christmas Tour of Homes 2009 - Bianca's Tour

2009-12-14T11:18:00.000-06:00

Welcome to our home! I thought it would be interesting to "tour" things from my daughter's (14 months) point of view, so I got out my camera and crawled around taking pictures (that would have been a sight in itself) at her level. So come on in and enjoy Bianca's tour!

These are the new Holiday books that Mommy brought me home. I love when she reads them to me, in fact I bring her the same books over and over again.

These fun things are a bit out of my reach, but guess what? I have a trick, I wait till Mommy or Daddy are holding me and as soon as we walk by these pretty hanging things I grab them and laugh!

Ah, now this one I love. I can reach it and it jingles, just like all my music toys. The best part is I can take it off and put it back or just walk around shaking it making Mommy laugh.

My finger tips almost reach these pretty things, I keep trying every day. Mommy says last year mine was bigger than me.

One day I woke up from my nap to find this big tree in our house instead of outside? I love the pretty lights and taking the soft and jingly things I can reach off. Also the tree wears a skirt, just like me-how silly! I like to hide my toys under that skirt.

This my favorite spot to sit and read and if I feel like it pull down an ornament or two.

This is the shinny box Mommy gives me to play with each day, I love putting my alphabet letters in it then dumping them out again.

xoxo - Bianca

I am adding one more picture to show off my imperfections- see how the tree isn't lit up in the middle, we are missing some lights:)

Birthday Ramblings

2009-12-11T14:21:00.004-06:00

Ever since I started this blog I spend ~~way too much~~ a lot of time thinking about what I am going to post. I have been thinking about what to post on my birthday for awhile now but somehow it simply never took shape in my mind. So here we go, my disconnected ramblings about today, my birthday.

It is amazing how our priorities change when we become mothers and for me things that were really my own vanity and shallowness (yes I have these traits-sigh) become less important. Every year prior to last I have spent days deciding exactly what to wear on my birthday, how to do my hair, the perfect accessories. Why?? Who knows, maybe it just feels good too feel good on that day. I still remember the year I turned 19, I was in college up north, and my brilliant plan was to wear a short navy blue corduroy dress with my favorite brown clogs form my aunt in NYC. Hello, it was Wisconsin in December??? Well let's just say I went through with my plan only to fall flat on my face, in front of a cute TA, because my adorable, tractionless clogs slipped in the muck! Over the years many adorable (not so stupid) outfits have followed.

Last year though I had a 9 week old baby and despite my best laid plans all I could fit into was my maternity jeans and an XLL Roxy shirt, but I didn't care (ok, I cared a little) I was so focused on my daughter and being a new Mommy, not much else mattered. And B gave me the most amazing present for my birthday. She laughed for the first time. I mean full on giggle laugh. It was the most perfect gift a girl could want. This year I am happy to say I am not wearing maternity jeans anymore but I am sitting here typing, while B is napping, still in my PJs!

I have always thought of Birthdays as a renewal of sorts, a new year, a new chance to get things right, plus being in December, if I blow it I get to call do-over and start with New Years Day. This year I have so many amazing things going for me and so much to look forward to, so many dreams and goals coming true, my only resolutions are too be more organized, paint more, and spend less time cleaning and more time playing with B

(if that is possible).

I also wanted to share something my mother wrote for me about my birth XX years ago (edited so I can keep lying about my age:)

"When I was expecting you, I was so excited – I was sure you were a girl! I wanted to deliver you by your due date, which was December 10^th, so we would be able travel home to see my family for Christmas. Dr. Stryke said he didn’t think you would come until closer to Christmas day. I told him no, that you would come on time and you would be a girl. He just smiled and said, “We’ll see.”

The night I went into labor (your due date) was a huge blizzard for Michigan. I woke your dad up around 4 a.m. on December 11^th, 19XX, to let him know he had better start shoveling because the night before I had gotten the car stuck in the snow outside our apartment. With me in the driver’s seat (Yes I was in labor!) your father pushed the car out and we were finally on our way to the hospital! Dr. Stryke said I “willed” you into the world. You were born sometime around 4 p.m. weighing 7 pounds and 2 ounces with a full head of dark hair! He smiled and said, “Yes it is a girl!” Back in “those days” there was no way to find out what you were having ahead of time.

What a wonderful day it was as I held you in my arms and looked into those beautiful blue eyes! I had asked God for little girl with dark hair and blue eyes. Your big brother was so excited; he came up with Dad and brought you a little brown teddy bear he’d picked out before you were born. Those first few months left us exhausted dealing with sleepless nights, as our darling baby girl battled colic, but by the time you had passed the 3-month mark you were an adorable smiling baby, delighting everyone with your intense blue eyes and dark wavy hair.

It is hard to believe that you are about to turn XX. Yes, you have turned into a lovely young woman, and are now a mother yourself. In fact, you now know the intense feelings of love a mother has for her child. I know you will cherish each day you have with B, I can tell you those days go by far too fast."

Oh how I wish I could share a treat with all my online pals, like back in the "olden days" when the highlight of a birthday was showing up to school with cookies or cupcakes for everyone, such a wonderful feeling it was to see your friends happy and sugar-filled all thanks to the simple fact you were born.

Well I may not be able to share a treat but I can share a treat recipe, so here it is, my shockingly not as bad for you as they taste:

Chubby Elvis Cupcakes

1/2 cup organic butter (unsalted if you can find it)
1 cup organic sugar (evaporated cane juice)
1 organic egg
1 1/4 cup mashed organic banana
12 oz pkg fair trade chocolate chips
1 tsp. baking soda
1 tbsp water
1 1/2 cup organic whole wheat flour
1 tsp nutmeg
1 1/2 tsp vanilla

Cream together butter and sugar. Add the bananas and the egg, mix. Dissolve the soda into the water, mix into the batter. Beat in (on low) the flour, nutmeg and vanilla. Lastly stir in chocolate chips. Pour into muffin tins (either buttered or with paper liners, I found recycled liners to use) Makes about 24, Bake at 375 degrees F, for about 12 minutes. Cool on a wire rack before frosting.

Amazing PB Frosting:
1/2 cup organic butter
1 cup creamy natural peanut butter
4 cups powdered sugar
1/3 cup organic heavy cream
Beat PB and butter together till fluffy, slowly add half the powdered sugar. Mix in 1/4 cup of cream then beat in the last of the powdered sugar. Add remaining cream till to get a spreadable texture. To finish these cupcakes off, top with sprinkles of fair trade chocolate chunks!

SO YUM:)

Line it up

2009-12-10T16:23:00.000-06:00

This week's YOU CAPTURE, over at I should be folding laundry... LINES

CoFFeE LiNeS

FaMiLy BoOT LiNe-Up

BiCycLe LiNeS

CuRvY LiNeS

StoCKiNg LiNeS

Check out more amazing pictures at You Capture:

December Photo Challenge- December 9th / 25 Days of Christmas Ornaments- day 9

2009-12-09T21:14:00.001-06:00

Is there any thing sweeter than tiny boot prints next to mine?

For more great photos or to join in, The December Photo Challenge is over at ThoughtsNStuff.

I don't remember where it came from but here is a cute one, perfect for the bottom of the tree and little grabby hands:)!!

To check out more 25 days of ornament pictures visit 4 the Love of Family.